Som sneens tilbagetrækning trækker min vinterdepression sig tilbage til min kerne. Hvor den næste vil springe frem fra mørkets dunkle afkroge, hvor kun pest og kolera cirkler omkring ægte kaos. Hvor hjertes tykke tjære fortærer hjertens besked om kærlighed i tung kamp om tungekys og lindrende tider med tryghed og tillid. Til tider ville jeg ønske, at jeg havde frie vinger og ikke føle mig forpligtet til at blive i mit åbne bur. Men jeg er vidst bange for, at den fortabte søn ikke kan blive genfundet af sig selv, men når jeg så vender vejen tilbage. Vil jeg for evigt ligge foran jeres dør, som en forladt nyfødt, som aldrig er blevet fundet. Bare efterladt for sig selv i ensomhed.

Mig

I vintersolens berøring ligger der den kærlighed, som jeg så desperat leder efter. Så derfor kan du finde mig liggende på sneen med et smil på sjælen. På en fjern mark langt væk fra alt og alle og alting. Og når folk endelig finder mig, så går de væk, fordi hvem vil se på en nøgen dreng på en mark. Jeg er afhængig af kærlighed. Ikke den gensidige af slagsen. Det er for nemt. Labyrinten er først sjov, når man ikke kan finde udvejen. Lige indtil man mister forstanden og dræber sig selv. Og så går man rundt, som et hjerteløst uhyre og kigger på blanke hvide vægge med tomme øjne og ildelugtende ånde, fordi man langsomt rådner væk indenfra og bliver til intet andet end en krøbling. Men det slutter ikke der. Når man er i rullestolen som en grøntsag, så finder man ud. Ud af hvem man er helt på bunden. På bunden er vi alle egoistiske psykopater med fordrejede livs syn, paranoide bagtanker om alt og alle og alting. Så derfor bliver jeg liggende på marken i vintersolen og mærker dens berøring.

In my soul's core there is a battle going on. Desperate I try to solve the conflict, but the roars and voices of thousands arise from my dark and gloomy soul. They stand high and proud. Because they believe in themselves. Unfortunately I don't. Since I'm divided in 2. Logic and Love. I seem to let my feelings decide too enough or that's atleast what my logic tells me. Nothing can be without an opposit. I hope my opposit can take me near enough for a hug, a kiss, a whisper. Loneliness gets lonely quickly even though I will always my battle inside my chest, I have no one to share my struggle with, but in the end. Do I want to do so? Would I allow myself to dump my questions on her, or will I guard her as the bible infront of the heart and protect her from all harm. I bet the diffrence is big. She will just leave me like everyone else intend to do.

Kælke

Som 2 legende børns latter fylder min øregangs endeløse stillekorridor. Hvor enten andet end min dybeste tanker og vildeste drømme ekkoer imod intetheden. Deres smil, deres grin, deres latter, deres uskyldighed fylder mit hjerte med den glæde, som jeg selv har glemt. Jeg vil kælke igen.  Mærke sneens omfavnelse, varme mig og samtidigt køle mig ned. Mærke hvordan dets kulde sætter mit hjertes banken igang som et død mand ramt af et elektrochok. Mærke suset i maven, når man vælter, men samtidigt rejse sig op straks bagefter, som om intet var sket og grinte af det. Dengang hvor man var bedste venner ved et øjekast og uadskillige efter en time. Ingen bekymringer. Ingen forpligtelser. Men som tiderne gik og smilet forsvandt, er man nødt til at blive mindet om, hvordan det engang var, ikke at være ved at være voksen.

Moving on

And suddenly the stars did not shine as bright as they used to. The music did not sound as heavenly as it used to. Your lips did not taste like they used to. Your voice did not fill the air as it used to. Your tears did not hurt as they used to. I guess this is what they call moving on, but why do I have to move on. It is easier loving someone who do not know. Then not loving anyone at all. Not even yourself. I guess I like the pain. I guess I believe I deserve it. I feel like flying on the wings of love again. Through the skies while having my arm around your waist. Your head on my shoulder and you on my mind. Keep me etangled please. Without the vines around my feet, I cannot stand. Without you I am rootless. I am nothing else than withered leaves in the wind. Left on the ground and slowly rotting into ground. Hopefully I will be the ground for another tree.

Yet again

Her eyes were nailed to the floor. Her thoughts were about him. While his were about someone else. She bit her lip. She checked her phone again for an answer, but none had come. She was in the crowd off hundreds. The band was playing, but her eyes were still nailed. She could not breath. She felt the world fade away, and slowly turning pitch black infront of her eyes. The darkness filled her. Leaving rivers in her trail, while words of pain and curses of agony was fighting to get out of her mouth. Suddenly a gentle pair of arms embrassed her and wiped the tear of her face. A light in the horizon. She woke up, when the crowd clapped. "When flying on love, a parachute won't take the fall"

She sat for herself. In her hand she had another persons heart. Mine to be precise. She obviously haven't noticed it yet. I guess that if I just hush about it all. I won't be hurt. She says she's in love with a friend of mine. I look at her and tell her that she can who ever she want to. She nods, but her hearing is blocked. Her sight is blinded. Her sences are cut off and she is no longer reachable. I gave her all my time. I gave her all my heart. She tried to explain but she didn't excuse. Her voice still echoes in my ears and it will for eternity. I may never see her face, but I will not forget. I don't wish to be with her, I just wish the best for her whether or not it was with me is not the important factor. I want to see her smiling and not just a superficial one. I want to see her reshine again. Come out from the blur where she is now. She could've painted the world with colors, but she chose to remove them instead. She could've sung the secret chord, but instead she stopped singing. She could've flied, but instead she crashed. She could've inlighted my world, but instead she destroyed it.